All this is quite meaningless, really

Over the past few weekends; myself, AJ and TA, the happening creatures that we are; have found out the perfect way to spend the weekend in a manner that is both productive and relaxing at the same time: We watch movies.

Now, we don’t have a Television at home yet (Subliminal Hint: Donate us one) so every Friday as the sun hides under the horizon, the three of us land at Shekar Video Library, 9th Block, Jayanagar. If that name looks interesting to you, well, it is. It seems nature has played the name “Shekhar” to all its permutations: I’ve met Shekars, Sekhars, Shekhars, Sekars and Seekarses. Okay, not the last one. But there are times in my usually hectic Bangalorean life that I look at the skies and wonder if this is just a normal vocabulary mess-up, or are there some vested interests that have consciously brought about these variations as a part of some grand plan of theirs. Personally, deep down, (17 inches to be precise) I think that they are all clandestine alien military, and they distinguish their ranks by the innocuous alterations in the position and frequency of H’s in their innocuous names. Smart ass aliens.

So, every weekend, we land up at our neighborhood alien video library, looking for movie VCD’s (Subliminal Hint #2: We don’t have a DVD player. Get us one.) from a list of movie titles that we painstakingly compile that very day, before our excursion. I feel that this process of compilation needs some elaboration. It is not just any compilation; it is a complicated multi-step process that has several input dependencies. Movies are rated within Genres based on several parameters (Such as; and this is just one of the parameters, by no means the most important one; the number and attractiveness of attractive women featured in the movie.) These ratings are then normalized across Genres based on the relative rankings of the genres; which is again a measure obtained by careful analysis of several parameters. (Such as; and this is just one of the parameters, by no means the most important one; the probability of having a good number of highly attractive women featured in the movies belonging to that genre.)

And that is where it begins. As we reach the place, all of a sudden, the milieu of that library (And probably that Shekar Alien’s super-psycho powers) change everything. As if under magical influence, we pick up a movie which is, hmm, what is a good, non-abusive way to tell this… a movie that we would miss if we were to sit down and choose a billion movies out of a billion and one. But we are standing when we are at Shekars’; and I’ve always found it fishy how his recommended movies are always without past-rental records. So anyways, we take the movies, we go home and watch them; and have a gala time; and just then when TA takes off his pants and swings it in the air (while having a gala time) and THE list falls out; at that exact moment in space-time continuum; all three of us generate the same collective brainwave that would mean in English: “Gwaat”. In brainwave-terms, it means that we forgot the list again.

And it is that exact moment when Shekar’s innocuous smiling face and his innocuous name with its innocuous placement of the H letter and our innocuous memory blackout flash across my head, and in that one moment of arguably brilliant insight, the now-obvious conclusion that follows through in my brain, is that TA needs to wear his pants.

Side note on name variations and misspellings: All across the world, and especially in India, there are many variations of names. Such variations are the cause of a level of confusion that arises while spelling some typical names. Such confusion and the consequent unintentional mistakes are the cause of much anguish for those who unfortunately happen to have such typical names. Every one of us treasures his or her name and would not like people to misspell or mispronounce it. I myself have a name that is easily misspelled as “Samir” instead of “Sameer”. This used to cause quite some frustration for me in the past. Fortunately, I have found a solution to the problem that is not only fulfilling for me as a person; but is also forward looking in the sense that it prevents people from repeating that mistake again. If you face a similar problem, I suggest you try this technique out: Whenever someone misspells your name, instead of rudely pointing it out there itself, just make a note in your personal diary; and then, whenever you find that the person has some time available and is ready for a frank dialogue; ask him for a few minutes of his time, take him someplace that is quiet and vacant enough, and kill him.

Side note on my roomies: I innocuously mispronounced their names.